[Lily claps] - [Lily] I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama in a white Jewish family with my adopted sister.
- [Mother] Lily!
- [Lily] Like me, Emily was adopted from Korea when she was a baby, but unlike me, she's a mom.
In 2019, Emily traveled to Korea to meet her birth mom.
She recorded her journey.
♪ Until now, I have never talked to my birth mom about why I was adopted.
[speaking in Korean] ♪ - [Lily] I always question my identity.
Am I Jewish enough?
Am I Korean enough?
It never feels as if I am enough.
[ambient music] [people chattering] - [mother] Hello, Lily.
Hey, sweetheart.
Oh my god.
[people chattering] - [Lily] In just a few years, I look into the mirror and be surprised to see my Korean face reflected back.
[people chattering] But when you're raised to be a nice Jewish girl from the South, what else could you expect?
[people chattering] I flew from Korea with these other babies and we are going home to new, unknown families.
[soft music] I know that I'm not the only adoptee conflicted about their identity.
There are also the birth parents with their own stories.
[soft music] So I want to explore my journey.
- Oh, there she is.
Oh, hi.
- [Lily] To speaking to my birth mother and a fellow Korean adoptee.
- Emily Flynn.
- I'm clapping too, by the way.
[Emily laughs] - [Lily] By looking forward, as well as backward.
Okay.
[soft music] [soft music continues] - [Lily] Like me, Emily was adopted from Korea when she was a baby.
But unlike me, she's a mom.
She's maybe a glimpse of what motherhood might look like.
[dog barks] Mostly growing up, you know, I really think I just wanted to fit in.
And it was also during the '80's and so adoption during that time it was very much, you know, love is enough.
It was very much like a colorblind approach.
So my parents raised us all the same, which meant white, right?
They didn't know any Korean.
They didn't have any really interest in learning about the culture where I was born, so I grew up very much thinking that even though I looked Asian and I looked Korean, I felt that my personal being and my face still encompassed whiteness, if that makes any sense.
- Isn't that weird?
- Hi.
- Could you talk about when you had your first child, Chloe, and what it felt like to finally kind of see someone that you were biologically related to?
- Yeah, I mean, it changed my life.
It really just kind of, like, you know, catapulted me out of the adoption fog and it really just connected me to my beginnings.
And it wasn't until I became a mom until I actually wanted to delve deeper into Korean culture and learn more about my adoption story.
- [Lily] I went to find my birth mother and father in Korea when I was 19 because I wanted to meet them before they forgot the details.
[soft music] Until now, I have never talked to my birth mom about why I was adopted.
[birth mom speaks in Korean] - So how did you decide to be a mom?
[birth mom speaks in Korean] - I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama, in a white Jewish family with my adopted sister.
- Meli, why don't you eat a cookie for daddy?
And let's get that snotty nose, huh?
- My parents wanted me to know about Korea, but it wasn't interesting to me.
[soft music] I always questioned my identity.
Am I Jewish enough?
Am I Korean enough?
It never feels as if I am enough.
I was born in Korea, but I enjoy making Matzah ball soup.
[soft music] I've grown to navigate white spaces [soft music] but I always feel a bit out of place.
[birth mom speaks in Korean] So you didn't even know what my disability was?
[birth mom speaks in Korean] So after I was born they decided to give me up for adoption.
It wasn't before that?
[birth mom speaks in Korean] - [Lily] In 2019, Emily traveled to Korea to meet her birth mom.
She recorded her journey.
- [Emily] I'm meeting my birth mother for the first time.
- That is exciting for you.
- So much.
- [Speaker] Who told you about birth mother?
- [Emily] I searched for her.
It took two years.
- Mm-hmm.
- Two years of searching.
- Very blessing for you.
You're going to meet your mother because you spend your whole life without your mom.
[Emily cries] [plane engine roars] [soft music] [soft music continues] - [Lily] Now Emily's a mother herself.
Having her own kids changed her.
[soft music] Emily was put up for adoption because her birth mom was a single mother.
[Emily and mother cries] [Emily's mother speaks in Korean] [Emily speaks in Korean] [Emily's mother speaks in Korean] - It's like looking in a mirror.
[Emily's mother speaks in Korean] [person speaks in Korean] From what I know, she was convinced to relinquish me because of her aunt and her aunt's boyfriend.
And from my understanding is that 10 days after, you know, I was taken away she went back to try and get me back.
[birth mom speaks in Korean] - Look, look.
- Yes?
- [Mother] Open, open it.
I wanna see what that is.
[soft music] Wow, you know what that is?
"The Borrowers."
- What's that a tape?
- Mm-hmm.
- This is a tape!
It's a tape.
- Do you know what that is?
It's a cowgirl outfit.
- I hope it fits okay.
- Oh, that is so cute.
- Oh.
- Look at the present.
- Yeah, open more presents.
- [Mother] Oh, my very fav, oh my heavens.
I thought it was something else.
It's my very favorite perfume.
And look, you even got some silken body lotion.
Boy, do I need that.
- [Lily] Emily is keeping in touch with her birth mom.
She sent a package of Korean food for the family.
- Whoa, yummy.
- Ooh, ramen.
- [Child] Ramen.
We needed some more.
- Oh my God.
This pepper is from her friend's farm, ooh.
- [Child] I like the little thing there.
- More.
- Wow.
What do you guys say?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- [Emily] In Korean.
[mother speaks in Korean] [children speak in Korean] Say it again.
Look in the camera.
[children speak in Korean] [Emily speaks in Korean] [child speaks in Korean] [soft music] - [Lily] I was a teenager when I first at kimchi, a Korean, fermented, spicy cabbage dish.
[soft music] The smell takes me back to humid summer days outside Seoul, my birth mom hanging laundry to dry [soft music] and dinner simmering on the stove.
I realize I'm trying to make kimchi again because it does mean something to me.
It is a part of me as much as the Matzah ball soup, perhaps even more.
It's one way to reclaim in my identity and make it my own.
[soft music] - Today, I am getting a tattoo.
I am 41 years old as of last Friday.
It's been something that I've been thinking about for a while.
I don't know, I started kind of looking at Korean folklore and stuff like that and I've seen pictures of, like, folk art of Korean tigers, you know, which is a really important animal in Korean culture.
And something about that really resonated with me.
So I was like, "Yes, that's it."
So that's what I'm doing.
I'm getting a Korean tiger on my body today for the rest of my life.
[tattoo gun whirs] All right, here.
Pull up my sleeve.
- Why?
- Here, pull it, so I can take my shirt off.
- Whoa, that's your tattoo?
- Yeah, what do you think?
- Why is it like all wrinkled at first?
- [Emily] Well, they put plastic on it to keep it protected while it's healing.
- That is cool.
- You like it?
- Mm-hmm.
- You have any other thoughts or, like, questions about it?
- Hmm.
Yeah, I wonder why his eye is like this and the other is like this?
- Mm.
Mm-hmm.
- [Emily] Need to study some Korean folk painting.
- But, yeah, I like all the stripes too.
- Mm, mm-hmm.
[birth mother speaks in Korean] - Now I have ... mixed feelings about it.
I'm very lucky to have had a really great childhood and a sister and parents who love me and many opportunities that many people do not have basically because of my parents.
But I feel like, you know, if there was a trade off because of that, because I was raised in America, without really meeting Korean people or Korean culture, so there's a part of me that feels like it's missing.
Like, in America, some people question if I am America and then in Korea they question if I am Korean.
So I feel like I don't really fit anywhere.
[birth mother speaks in Korean] - Mm-hmm.
[birth mother speaks in Korean] Of course.
I always want to come back.
I miss your cooking.
[birth mother speaks in Korean] That's a lie [laughs].
[gentle music] [birds chirping] ♪ [indistinct talking] [man softly chuckles] [cheering] [indistinct talking] [gentle music continues] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
